How to Talk to Anyone summary is presented to you: Best-selling author on romantic relationships and well-known life coach Leil Lowndes reveals the techniques and psychology of effective communication. These very practical and clever strategies include the following
- Run a party like a politician runs a campaign.
- Fit in with any group of people
- Make use of essential terms and expressions to direct the conversation
- Make connections with body language
The secret to having fruitful talks with anyone, at any moment. You can purchase paperback copy on Amazon
and you can download softcopy on z-Library. More book summaries are also avalable on this blog. Books Summary page info is also available. i will appriciate if you give your suggestions to make this blog useful for other people. we will discuss breifly here for 92 techniques defined in this book. so let’s start.
Technique #1-The Flooding Smile
Don’t meet someone by smiling at them right away, as if everyone who entered your front of sight would benefit from it. Instead, take a moment to observe the other person’s face. Pause. Take in their appearance. Then allow a broad, pleasant smile to spread across your face and spill into your eyes. The recipient will be enveloped by it like a warm wave. People are persuaded that your flood of smile is real and intended solely for them by the split-second delay.
Technique # 2 – Sticky Eyes
As if your eyes were glued to your conversation partners with sticky warm taffy, pretend. Even after he or she has finished speaking, maintain eye contact. When you have to look away, do so slowly and reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.
Technique # 3 – Epoxy Eyes
This daring maneuver packs a powerful punch. Even if someone else is speaking, keep an eye on your target. No matter who is speaking, keep your gaze fixed on the man or woman you want to influence.
Technique # 4 – Hang By Your Teeth
Consider a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you pass. Take a bite and let it swoop you to the top of the big top with it firmly between your teeth. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle in your body is stretched into perfect posture. Let’s get this show on the road. It’s time to focus your attention on your conversation partner. Use the following two techniques to make him or her feel like a million dollars.
Technique # 5 – the Big Baby Pivot
Give The Big-Baby Pivot to everyone you meet. Reward your new acquaintance as soon as you two are introduced. Give the same warm smile, full-body turn, and undivided attention you’d give to a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin. I think you are very, very special, I think you are very, very special, I think you are very, very special, I think you are very, very special, I think you are very
Technique # 6 – Hello Old Friend
When you meet someone, pretend he or she is an old friend (an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you adored). The vicissitudes of life tore you two apart. But, holy macerel, the party (meeting, convention) has reconnected you with a long-lost old friend!
The joyful experience sets off a remarkable chain reaction in your body, beginning with the subconscious softening of your brows and ending with the positioning of your toes and everything in between.
Technique # 7 – Limit the Fidget
Allow your nose to itch, your ear to tingle, or your foot to prickle whenever your conversation is important. Avoid fidgeting, twitching, wriggling, squirming, or scratching. Above all, keep your paws off your pussies. Hand motions near your face and general fidgeting can give your listener the impression you’re lying.
Technique # 8 – Hans Horse Sense
Make it a habit to talk while on a dual track. Express yourself, but keep a close eye on how your listener responds to what you say.
Then plan your next steps accordingly.
If a horse can do it, then so can we. People will tell you that you pick up on everything. You never fail to impress. You understand horses.
Technique # 9 -Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
Practice being the Super Person you want to be ahead of time. VISUALIZE yourself walking around with the Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself casually chatting with everyone. FEEL the satisfaction of knowing you are in top form and that everyone is drawn to you. VISUALIZE BEING A SUPER SOMEONE. Then everything happens automatically.
Technique # 10 – Make a Mood Match
Take a voice sample of your listener before opening your mouth to determine his or her emotional state. Take a psychic photograph of your listener’s expression to see if he or she is happy, bored, or blitzed. If you ever want to bring people around to your point of view, you must, if only for a brief moment, match their mood and voice tone.
Technique # 11 – Prosaic with Passion
Are you worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listeners’ impressions are unrelated to your words. At first, almost anything you say is fine. Whatever the subject matter, an empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and a passionate delivery make you sound exciting. Text is less important than tone. 80% of your listener’s impression is unrelated to your words. Anything you say is acceptable as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant.
Technique # 12 – Always wear a “WhatsIt”
Wear or carry something unusual whenever you go to a gathering to give people who find you delightful an excuse to approach. It’s any object that draws people’s attention and inspires them to approach you and ask “what’s that?” Be a seeker of whatsit: become adept at scrutinizing the clothing of those you wish to approach
Technique #13: Who is that?
Simply ask the host to make the introduction, or ask for a few facts that can be quickly turned into icebreakers.
Technique # 14: Eavesdrop in
Get close and listen in, then find an opportunity to say something like “excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear…”
Technique #15: Never the naked city
Never give a one-word answer about where you’re from. Learn some engaging facts about your area that conversational partners can comment on
Technique #16: Never the naked job
When asked what you do, flush it out and distribute some tasty facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on.
Technique #17: Never the naked introduction
When introducing people, don’t throw out an unbaited hook. Bait the conversational hook
Technique #18: Be a good word detective
Pay attention to your conversation partner’s every word for hints about his or her preferred topic. Truly confident people know they grow more by listening than by talking
Technique #19: The swiveling spotlight
Imagine a giant revolving spot light between you when you meet someone. The more you keep the spotlight on them, the more appealing you become to them.
Technique #20: Parroting
Simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says like a parrot.
Technique #21: Encore
The shouts of encore are the sweetest sound a performer can hear. Begin with “tell them about the time…”
Choose an appropriate story that you know the person enjoys telling and that the audience will enjoy.
Technique #22: Accentuate the positive
Lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later when meeting someone for the first time.
Technique #23: The latest news – Dont Leave without it
Even after you’ve given yourself final approval in the mirror, turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper before leaving for the party. Everything that happened today is good fodder. Knowing the big news of the day is also a defensive maneuver that keeps you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everyone is talking about. Foot-in-mouth is unappealing in public, especially when accompanied by egg-on-face.
Technique #24: What do you do, not
The conspicuous absence of the question “what do you do?” is a sure sign you’re a somebody.
Instead, inquire, “How do you spend the majority of your time?”
Technique #25: The nutshell resume
Allow each listener to hear a different true story about your personal life.
Technique #26: Your personal thesaurus
Look up some words you use frequently, then try out a few new ones. Start making permanent replacements if you like them. Remember that only fifty words separates a rich, creative vocabulary from an average, middle-of-the-road one. Substitute a word every day for two months and you will be among the verbally elite.
Technique #27: Kill the quick “me too”
The longer you wait to reveal something in common, the more moved and impressed he or she will be.
Technique #28: CommYOUnication
Begin each appropriate sentence with “you.” It immediately captures the attention of your listeners and elicits a more positive response.When you sprinkle yourself liberally throughout your conversation, your listeners will find it an irresistible spice.
Technique #29: The exclusive smile
When meeting groups of people, greet each with a distinct smile
Technique #30: Don’t touch a cliche with a 10-foot pole
Keep an eye out. When speaking with big winners, avoid using cliches.
Don’t even think about touching one with a ten-foot pole. Never? Even if hell freezes over? Not unless you want to come across as as stupid as a doorknob. Instead of coughing up a cliche, use the following technique to create your own clever phrases.
Technique #31: Use Jawsmith Jive
Whether you’re standing in front of thousands or in front of your family, you’ll move, amuse, and motivate with the same skills.
Read books by speakers to elicit quotations, pearls of wisdom, and gems to tickle their funny bones. Find a few catchphrases to slip off your tongue on special occasions. If you want to be remembered, come up with a crazy quotable.
Technique #32: Call a spade a spade
Avoid using euphemisms. Let’s call a spade a spade. That is not to say that big cats use tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent fivand six-letter ones are available. They simply learned and speak the King’s English.
Technique #33: Trash the teasing
Never make a joke at someone else’s expense. A little cat’s proclivity to tease is a dead giveaway. An innocent joke at the expense of someone else may get you a cheap laugh. Nonetheless, the last one will go to the big cats. Because you’ll hit your head against the glass ceiling they’ve built to keep small cats from stepping on their paws.
Technique #34: It’s the receivers ball
Keep the receiver in mind before delivering any news, and then deliver with the appropriate emotional emphasis.
Technique #35: The broken record
If someone continues to press you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response. Use the exact same words and tone of voice. Hearing it again usually puts them to rest. If your rude interrogator clings to you like a leech, your next repetition will always swat them away.
Technique #36: Big shots don’t slobber over celebrities
VIPs in their own right do not slobber over celebrities. When you are having conversations with one, don’t compliment their work; instead, express how much you enjoyed it. If you do highlight a piece of work or an accomplishment, make sure it is recent.
Technique #37: Never the naked thank you
Never use the phrase “thank you” by itself.
Always end with “thank you for…”
Technique #38: Scramble therapy
Scramble your life once a month. Do something you’d never thought of doing before. Scramble therapy entails scrambling your life and participating in an activity you would never consider doing. Do something completely out of the ordinary one out of every four weekends.
Technique #39: Learn a little “jobletygook”
Jobbledygook is a second language spoken by big winners. What exactly is Jobbledygook? It is the language of other professions.
Why say it? It gives you the air of an insider. How do you go about learning it? There are no Jobbledygook cassettes in your local bookstore, but the lingo is simple to learn. Simply ask a friend who speaks the language of the group you’ll be with to teach you a few icebreakers. The words are few, but the rewards are numerous.
That’s all you need to get started: two good opening art questions and a warning about the most frequently asked dumb outsider question.
Technique #40: Bearing their hot button
Learn about the current issues in someone’s field. Every industry has pressing issues that the general public is unaware of.
Technique #41: Read their rags
Are you looking for a golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, or skier as your next big client? Are you going to a social event with accountants, Zen Buddhists, or anyone in between? There are thousands of monthly magazines catering to every conceivable interest. Reading the rags that serve their racket will provide you with more information than you’ll ever need to sound like an insider with anyone.
Technique #42: Clear customs
Get a book on global dos and don’ts before setting foot on foreign soil. Check it out before shaking hands, giving a gift, making gestures, or even complimenting someone’s possessions. Your blunder could ruin your entire performance.
Technique #43: Bluffing for bargains
When you know how to deal and speak insider talk, your prices are much lower. Find several vendors to learn from and one to buy from before making a large purchase.
Technique #44: Be a copy class
Keep an eye on people and how they move. Copying their movement style makes them feel more at ease with you. People are most receptive to those who they believe share their life values. Match your personality to your product.
Technique #45: Echoing
Echoing is a simple linguistic technique with a big punch. Listen to the speaker’s random selection of nouns, verbs, prepositions, and adjectives and repeat them back. Subliminal rapport is formed when you hear their words come out of your mouth. It gives them the impression that you share their values, attitudes, interests, and experiences.
Technique #46: Potent imaging
Inspire your audience’s interest or lifestyle by weaving images around it. Use analogies from the world of your listeners, not your own.
Technique #47: Employ empathizers
Don’t be a mindless ummer. Complete sentences should be spoken aloud to demonstrate comprehension. Sprinkle phrases like “I see what you mean” throughout your dialogue. Sprinkle sentimental sparklers on top, such as That’s a lovely thing to say.
Your empathy impresses your audience and encourages them to keep listening.
Technique #48: Anatomically correct empathizers
What part of their anatomy are your colleagues discussing? Their eyes? What about their ears? Their instincts?
Use visual empathizers to make visual people believe you see the world the way they do. Use auditory empathizers to make auditory people believe you hear them loud and clear. Make kinesthetic types believe you feel the same way they do by using kinesthetic empathizers. Depending on your conversation partners, use visual, auditory, or kinesthetic empathizers.
Technique #49: The premature we
Create the illusion of intimacy with someone even if you only met a few moments ago. Levels 1 and 2 of conversation are skipped in favor of Levels 3 and 4.
Technique #50: Instant history
When you meet a stranger you want to make less of a stranger, look for a special moment you shared during your first meeting.
Technique #51: Grapevine glory
A compliment received is never as exciting as one overheard. Not by phone or telegraph, but by telling a friend, is a priceless way to express gratitude. This way, you can avoid being accused of being an applepolishing, bootlicking, egg-sucking, bac scratching sycophant out for brownie points. You also leave recipients with the happy fantasy that you are proclaiming their greatness to the entire world.
Technique #52: Carrier pigeon kudos
BWhen there is bad news, people grow a beak and metamorphosize into carrier pigeons. (This is known as gossip.) Instead, become a bearer of good news and accolades. Fly to someone with a compliment whenever you hear something nice about them. Your fans are unlikely to stuff you and put you on display in a museum like Stumpy Joe. Everyone, however, adores the carrier pigeon of kind thoughts.
Technique #53: Implied magnificence
Include a few remarks in your conversation that assume something positive about the person you’re speaking with. But be cautious.
Don’t blow it like the well-meaning maintenance worker.
Technique #54: Accidental adulation
Make yourself an undercover complimenter. Sneak praise into the parenthetical section of your sentence.
Just don’t try to quiz anyone on your main point later. The joyful jolt of your unintentional adoration temporarily deafens them to everything that follows.
Technique #55: Killer compliment
When you’re talking to a stranger about your professional or personal future, look for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she possesses.
At the conclusion of the conversation
Look them in the eyes, say their name, and deliver the compliment at the end of the conversation.
Killer complement principles:
Deliver your compliment privately.
Make your incredible compliment credible.
Only give each recipient one killer compliment every six months.
Technique #56: Little strokes
Let the people around you know how much you appreciate them by verbally stroking them.
Technique #57: The knee-jerk “wow”
You must congratulate people as soon as they complete a task. You were fantastic! I said with a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction.
Technique #58: Boomeranging
Allow compliments to return to the giver.
Respond quickly with something like “that’s very kind of you.”
Technique #59: The tombstone game
Ask about what people want engraved on their tombstones. Keep it in your mind, but don’t bring it up again. When the time comes to say “I appreciate/love you,” fill in the blanks with the words they gave you before.
Technique #60: Talking gestures
Every time you pick up the phone, imagine yourself as the star of a personal radio drama. If you want to come across as engaging as possible, you must convert your smiles into sound, your nods into noise, and all of your gestures into something your listener can hear. You must replace gestures with words.
Technique #61: Name shower
People respond positively when they hear their name, so use it more frequently when on the phone to keep their attention.
Technique #62: Oh wow it’s you!
Answer the phone in a friendly, crisp, and professional manner. When you hear who is calling, let a huge smile spread across your face and into your voice.
Technique #63: The sneaky screen
If you must screen calls, train your staff to say that they have been put through. The caller will not feel screened when they return the call and apologize for not being able to push through.
Technique #64: Salute the spouse or secretary
Always identify and greet the person who answers the phone when calling someone’s home. Make friends with the secretary whenever you call someone’s office more than once or twice. Anyone who is close enough to answer the phone can sway the VIP’s opinion of you.
Many spouses have a say in hiring, firing, promoting, or purchasing time. When it comes to determining who gets through on calls, who gets proposals placed on the boss’s desk, and who gets luncheon appointments made, secretaries’ opinions matter!
Only foolhardy callers are unaware that all spouses and secretaries have names.
Every spouse and secretary has a life. They have feelings. Every spouse and secretary wields power. Deal with it accordingly.
Technique #65: What color is your time?
Regardless of how urgent you believe your call is, always start by asking the person about timing. Use the What Color Is Your Time? device or simply ask, “Is this a good time for us to talk?” When you ask about timing first, you’ll never leave your footprints in the sands of time with your phone partner. You will never get a No! simply because your timing was off.
Technique #66: Constantly changing outgoing message
Leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message if you want to be perceived as conscientious and reliable. There is no music. No \sjokes. There are no motivational messages. There are no boasts, bells, or whistles. Here’s the trick: change it every day. Your message does not have to be perfect. A slight cough or stammer lends your message a lovely unpretentious reality.
Technique #67: Your 10 second audition
Use your voicemail as a 10-second audition to demonstrate why you should be called back.
Technic #68: The ho hum caper
Instead of using the name of your party, let the pronoun he or she roll off your tongue. Forget Could I please speak with Ms. Bigshot? Simply say, “Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?” Throwing out the familiar she signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old friends. Instead of using your party’s name, casually let the pronoun “he” or “she” roll off the tongue
Technique #69: I hear your other line
Acknowledge the background noise right away and ask if they need to attend to it.
Technique #70: Instant replay
Record and listen to all of your business conversations.
Technique #71: Munching or mingling
Politicians want to be face to face and belly to belly with their voters. Any object, except their belt buckle, has the effect of a brick wall between two people, as any big winner well versed in the science of proxemics and spatial relationships knows. As a result, they never serve food or drink at a party.
Come to eat or to socialize. However, don’t expect to do both. Chow down before you come, just like a good politician.
Technique #72: Rubberneck the room
When you arrive at the gathering, make a dramatic stop at the doorway before slowly surveying the situation.
Technique #73: Be the chooser, not the choosee
Make every party a practice run for the moment you might meet the person who will change your life.
Technique #74: Come hither hands
Be a human magnet rather than a human repellent.
Arrange your body, especially your arms and hands, in an open position.
Technique #75: Tracking
Examine the smallest details of your conversation partner’s life.
In your conversation, refer to them as if they were a major news story.
It creates a strong sense of intimacy.
Technique #76: the business card dossier
Write down notes immediately after speaking with someone at a party to help you remember the details of the conversation.
Technique #77: Eyeball selling
Plan your pitch and pace based on the body signals of the other person.
Technique #78: See no bloopers, hear no bloopers
Cool communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions. They simply dont notice their comrades minor spills, slips, fumbles, and faux pas. They obviously ignore
raspberries and all other signs of human frailty in their fellow mortals. Big winners never gape at anothers gaffes
Technique #79: Lend a helping tongue
When someone’s story is interrupted, return attention to the story after the interruption.
Technique #80: Remember WIIFM and WIIFY
When requesting a meeting or a favor, explain the advantages. Reveal what’s in it for you and the other person
Technique #81: Let them savor the favor
Allow time for a friend to enjoy a favor when they agree to it. Allow at least 24 hours.
Technique #82: tit for ….tat
When you do someone a favor and it’s obvious they owe you one, wait a reasonable amount of time before requesting payment.
Technique #83: Parties are for pratter
Parties are for pleasantries and good company, not for confrontations. Big players smile and nod even when standing next to their adversaries at the buffet table. They tough talk is for tough situations.
Technique #84: Dinner is for dining
It is acceptable to brainstorm and discuss the positive aspects of business while eating. But no difficult or unpleasant subjects.
Technique #85: Chance encounters are for chit chat
If you’re in sensitive communication with someone, don’t try to take advantage of a chance meeting.
Technique #86: Empty their tanks
Allow people to express themselves completely before offering your ideas.
Technique #87: Echo the emo
Facts speak for themselves. Emotions scream. Allow people to emote whenever you need information about an emotional situation. Listen to their facts, but empathize with their emotions. Sometimes smearing on the emo is the only way to calm their emotional storm.
Technique #88: My goof, your gain
Make certain that your victim benefits whenever you make a mistake.
Technique #89: Leave an escape hatch
When you catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, avoid confronting the dirty duck. Unless it is your responsibility to catch or correct the perpetrator, or unless you are saving other innocent victims by doing so, let the transgressor out of your trap in one piece with his tricky puss. Then resolve never to look at it again.
Technique #90: Buttercups for their boss
Do you have a store clerk, accountant, law firm junior partner, tailor, auto mechanic, maître d, massage therapist, children’s teacher, or any other employee who you would like to receive special attention in the future? Sending a buttercup Letter about that employee to their boss is a surefire way to make them care enough to give you their all.
Technique #91: Lead the listeners in a positive reaction
Whatever the size of the big cat behind the podium, crouched inside is a little scaredy-cat worried about the crowd’s acceptance.
When big winners see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction, they recognize you as a fellow big winner. Be the first to applaud or publicly congratulate the man or woman with whom you agree (or want favors from). Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the person you agree with
Technique #92: The great scorecard in the sky
An invisible scorecard hovers above the heads of any two people.
The numbers change all the time, but one rule remains constant: the player with the lower score pays deference to the player with the higher score. If you don’t keep your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky, you’ll be kicked out of the game. Permanently. Player with lower score pays deference to players with higher score. Excellence is not a single and solitary action. It is the outcome of many years of making small, smooth moves. Repeating an action makes a habit. Yours habits create your character. Your character is your destiny.